For a while now I've been trying to come up with really great, meaningful posts for this blog. Remember last Summer when I was going through so much change? A long distance relationship, moving, being unemployed & trying to make it? Remember all that & remember how it all ended with me finding a job near the beginning of March?
I feel like I was inspired the most when I had things to struggle with. When life is hard we try to find things to get us through but when it's easy I think it seems so normal we almost take it for granted. I take for granted the time I have in the evenings & sit on the couch instead of working towards my dream.
Alycia from Habitual Homebody touched on something I've been thinking about for a bit now: is this it? Will this be the job I spent 30 year at & retire from? What about what I went to school for? She mentioned that dreams aren't real, but a paycheck is. This saying really affected me & to me it's sort of right. Dreams are things that we can have just to distract us from what we have to do which, in this case, is have a job, bring in an income, & support ourselves. She mentions how she wishes she had free time again - same here. She mentions how unemployment drove her insane - same here.
I think she meant more a long the lines of man, I dream of having all that free time back rather than how I think about my indie business dream. But I still read the sentence with my idea of the word dream in there. And boy it shook me - because right now, my dream isn't real but my paycheck is - and right now I'm ok with that.
I've always felt that in life there's no right or wrong way to live. The most important thing is to do your best to be a good person & do what you have to do. I've also believed that you should be able to make a living doing something you love to do. You shouldn't throw away your dreams for something you're just doing right now. I've also believed that its ok to be satisfied where you are. In life we're always told to try harder, go bigger, get a promotion, move higher. But what if I just want to be happy?
What if a paycheck right now makes me happy because I can finally travel & save?
What if my dreams are taking a back seat but I'm so happy I got the chance to do that stint of unemployment to see what needs to be done?
What if I'm also scared that self employment won't cut it for me? What if I like someone else taking the responsibility of being a boss?
What if when things went wrong, I fixed them, but stressed?
What if depending directly on me for my income was a bit of a stresser itself?
What if I think I need to grow & be a bit more stable than I was?
What if I realize I could do it & that now I know how much work needs to be done and what needs to go down to make a successful life at this?
And what if I'm just not ready?
Maybe the unreadiness came from not being able to pull it together to make it a sustainable income in that time. I know its work, I'm not discounting that, but I think it might be more work than I'm willing to think about now. Props to all those awesome peeps out there totally rocking their business & livelihood......but I think I'm going to re-structure my priorities.
What does that mean?
That means my dreams of being successful as a creative person still exist. That means I'm still going to work towards all of my endeavors. That means I'm not going to settle for I'm to tired afterwork to work on my dream. That means that I'm going to keep at it but I'm going to adjust my sails.
I'll leave you with a few quotes I've been thinking about lately:
If it doesn't get done, it didn't need to get doneIf it's important, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.We can not direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.Don't be afraid to give yourself everything you ever wanted in life.If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough.The unexamined life is not worth living.
How's your life going? Any adjusting needed?