LDR Post // Things I've Learned so far

Zach and I aren't in a traditional Long Distance Relationship, if there is such a thing as a traditional one.  We won't be separated for an extreme amount of time but it's still been very hard for me.

There are nights I am extremely sad, there are days when I wish I could just go home to him, & when he first left there were days it was just too hard & I couldn't focus.  While it's gotten better, it's also gotten worse.  It's gotten better because I've learned to be with out him (which is also a bad thing!) but it's gotten worse because, for me, communication has been harder.  I think getting used to being with out him will help me a lot in his new job where he travels all week, but it's still going to be hard!

Here are 3 more things I've learned when it comes to communication:

Use your words -  I am a big fan of using touch to convey emotion, maybe I just rely too much on being in close proximity to the person I am trying to communicate with.  Meaning, I can comfort you & feel like we are understanding each other if I am in the same room with you & can touch you.  So, a reassuring hug or holding of a hand I think really helps me feel safe & helps the other person feel safe.  It's hard to convey that comfort level through the phone or through skype.

It takes a lot more time to use your words to offer comfort & I really hope that I am getting better at that.  If we ever have a disagreement (mostly on decorating styles but on serious things too) it is hard to explain, be reassuring & understanding.  Sometimes words get misunderstood & then that creates a whole different problem.  But we've learned to be more patient, to say what we mean, to explain, & to listen more to each other's words & what each other is saying.

Skype can be a life saver - Not only do we Skype nearly every night just to spend time with each other, but I really believe Skype has saved us a few times.  Being that we can't be in the same room with each other (as mentioned above) means we aren't getting the same body language going on.  Skype helps with this because we can see each other's faces & see how each other is feeling.  Being unable to feel him around me has really thrown me off.  I take comfort in knowing that he is close...but when he's far its hard for me to feel that comfort.

Pinterest can help - Like I mentioned before we each have our own sense of decor style.  Something I love about Zach is he actually cares about making a home & decorating it.  Compromise is a huge word we are working on with moving & it's really helped to be able to share images of what we like to get feed back from the other person.  The best way we've found to do this? Through Pinterest!

One night on Skype I started sharing with him things that I thought we would both like.  This led to a pin board entitled Things We Both Like - For the Home.  Shortly thereafter, Zach joined Pinterest to create a few boards of what styles he liked so we could design each room of our home.  This site is better than clipping magazines!  Making a home is something dear to both of us & finding a balance has involved a lot of communication & frustration on both ends.

Compromise is the key word here.  Compromise doesn't mean you aren't getting your way.  Compromise means you are getting our way.  Compromise means together you are willing to build something great, two heads better than one & all that.

I am so thankful that I have a guy who totally understands me, who is patient, & who is in this with me the same amount I am.  It makes me so happy to know that I am safe.

I am going to pick up & move here at the end of July.  I've already been trying to pack up a few things here & there.  It's been a really hard decision & I have to say I am terrified of what may lay ahead.  All I can see though is us, happy, together, & in a home we both love.  It's getting to that part that is uncertain.

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1 comment:

  1. i find planning our next visits, even months and months in advance, helps us keep going. i've been planning and talking about my trip to see my husband in september since may!


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