I recently tweeted that "I have so many 'wants'...I need to be more happy with what I've got" which while it should have said 'happier', is a very true statement.
Let's be real for a second (this post might get a bit personal) I am not the broke of the brokest college students. I have parent's that have provided me with part of my college education, who have given me things I've needed & asked for, and a family that always asks if I need anything & is so willing to help me out. With all of this I've never really felt a deep feeling of want or need. I've always been good with money & saving (though I do thrift a bit too often) and I do have a lot of possessions. I am definitely a 'thing haver'. I think, however, that I've really grown up in the past year & I don't want anyone to buy me or provide me with anything.
This growing up included buying my own car, putting tires on it, registering it, & insuring it all by myself, deciding that I am not going to go home after graduation but am moving to a city/town an hour+ from my hometown, the realization that a BFA doesn't necessarily prepare you for working a desk job like much of America, and the realization that I don't want to work a desk job like the rest of America. All of these things scare me & worry me that I won't be able to provide for myself. I worry I won't be able to pay bills, insurance, food, etc but mostly that I won't be able to pursue & further my art, sewing, crocheting, & etsy shop. Running these blogs & With Love is very important to me & it is a real dream I have. I would love to have a brick & mortar shop and it is a long time goal of mine. I worry the most that I will be shackled to the bills I have to pay & have little money to do anything but just get by.
With all that said I find myself in want of things that I want to pay for. Not things I want as a gift or because I know my someone would buy them for me. I want to be able to have all of the things I want & I want to be able to buy them. I want to be able to have all the things I need & I want to be able to buy them. Since right now things I need are more important to me, I think about those things more that the things I want.
I've never really been a worrier because I know I am a hard worker, a dedicated person, & am driven to get what I want in the sense of a job. I've always had a job & have always gotten rave reviews as an employee but I worry that I won't find a job that I love that will also provide for me.
People graduate from college every year, they are prepared & unprepared, yet they graduate. Many of them achieve their goals & many end up leading happy lives. I know I will be in that category but I think it is the uncertainty that scares me. When I graduated high school I knew there was no other option (for me at least) than to go to college. This was just the natural progression of things. Well, I am getting a degree in something that people still see as unstable, a degree I feel is sort of unstable myself, but I chose it because life is to short not to do something you love. I don't know what the natural progression is after graduation. There is nothing waiting for me which is a good & bad thing. I can achieve anything I want, do whatever I want...but I don't really know what I want to do. I know what I'd like to get into, I know what kind of experiences I'd like, but I am not certain I want to be stuck with one thing just so soon.
I need to be happier with the things I have because I have a lot of nice things & I do love all the things I have. As I look around my room, I am satisfied with what I've got. I know, moving out, I'll be bringing with me a dresser, a night stand, a small little book case, two lamps, a desk, a desk chair, another chair, & a papasan chair so for furniture I am pretty much set. I just need a bed. Now that I've laid it out, my furniture worries aren't that bad. But I still need to find a job to pay for the apartment I am moving into with my best friend & the gas to get from the apartment to the job, & the loans from school.
Well that was a long & uncertain post. But I wanted to share a little of myself.
This is what I think my apartment will feel the first year or so:
Any suggestions on graduating & grabbing the world by the horns?