On the Long Distance Relationship in my Late 20's

There is a post I've been trying to write for a while now but I'm not quite sure how to word it.  You may remember back in 2012 (wow, that seems so long ago) when Zach and I were in a Long Distance Relationship.  If you don't remember, let me catch you up.  Zach and I met in October of 2011 and by May/June of 2012 he'd decided he was leaving Virginia to head back to his home state of Michigan.  I was left to decide whether or not I was going to join him.  Then in August of 2012 me, Zach, Zach's Parents, and my parents helped pack up all my stuff in to a car, a truck, and a small trailer.  And we made our way up north.  In October of 2012 we closed on the house - I'm pretty sure it was like a day before the one year anniversary of when we met.

Boy have times changed, and boy have we both grown.

If there is one thing I've ever been certain about in my life - it was that decision.  The decision to move.  That was always the answer, that was always the end point.  There was no what if I go? or What if I don't?  The decision was made, I was going to leave.  The hard part was getting to that point.  I was leaving but the decisions were when, how, how much, etc. So, we were in a Long Distance Relationship for a few months.  And it was hard.  Like one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I remember the day after he left and I went to work, I almost lost it.  All I could think about is how I could not do this, I could not be apart from him.  I almost gave it up and said I'm leaving tomorrow.  But part of this LDR was for me...was to prove I could do this.

Fast forward to now - 4 years later - it sees like a small drop in a huge pond.  Currently we are in another sort of long distance relationship.  Zach's job keeps him out of the country the majority of the year meaning we are apart a lot.  I mean like, a lot, a lot.  But I've been thinking recently about how I don't see it as a Long Distance Relationship, or at least not like I saw our previous one.  I'm not so concerned with how we make it work and I think it's because we made it work before.

Now, I'm not saying this current situation doesn't take work I'm just saying that I think our commitment to each other is at another level.  There's nothing stoping us from being together, I feel that our relationship isn't at such a delicate place like it was in the beginning.  In that first bit of a long distance relationship we really had no reason to stick together, we could have gone our separate ways and there really wasn't anything to lose.  Now we have every reason to stick together and we make it work because we both have everything to lose.  

It is hard to explain because 24 year old me was way different than 28 year old me.  And that is weird. This whole thing could have ended absolutely horribly.  I mean I'd just uplifted my whole life to move in with a guy I knew for a few months, 800 miles away from my home.  If 24 year old me told you she just knew, she didn't know as hard as 28 year old me just knows.  And I'm sure 32 year old me will tell you something different about how much she knows too.

In the very infancy of our relationship we were apart.  In that key part of getting to know each other we had to do so over Skype, emails, phone calls and text messages.  Even back then, I never thought this isn't going to work and I think that mind set is helpful.  We learned how to communicate and use words with intention because so many things are lost in translation over text messages and skype calls.  You can't read body language over the internet like you can when you're in the room with someone.  We still both say things the other doesn't interpret properly but putting the importance on communication in our relationship at the very beginning has helped a whole heck of a lot.

I have to say, it's really crazy to grow with someone in so many ways.  And I think that another reason why I don't feel that this is a long distance relationship.  We grew closer and matured through the last one....so why wouldn't we learn and grow through this one?  His job has opened so many opportunities for us.  We wouldn't have traveled through Seoul, South Korea with out his job.  I wouldn't have the opportunity to visit him in Amsterdam with out this job.  He wouldn't be able to travel the world with out this job.  He wouldn't be able to realize his creativity, problem solving, and all around smarty pants-ness with out this job.  He's a damn smart one and I'm so proud that is brains and problem solving landed him a job with all these wonderful opportunities.  So who knows how we will grow through this.  And it is true - it is hard, but it is an opportunity.

I think it boils down to selfishness vs selflessness.  It would be selfish not to see the opportunities this separation has opened for both of us.  It would be selfish to demand that someone turn down amazing opportunities offered to them.  And it would be selfish for me to drop all my responsibilities here to go to be with him.  Responsibilities are important to me - I have to earn an income, I have to pay my student loans, I have to pay my car loan, and most importantly I have to give the dog I looked in the eye and told she had a home, the home I promised her.  In our previous long distance relationship I was concerned with how it was affecting me.  How hard it was for me.  How I was dealing with it.  Now, with a bit more maturity I can still be concerned with myself but also concerned with us, and with him and his well being with us being apart.

If there is one thing I know....it is that I just know.  And let me tell you....no one can tell you anything when you just know.  And, when you know......you just know.  

So this was just a weird post to reflect back on 24/25 year old me and how 28 year old me is now.  I would love to sit and talk with all the younger me's in the past.  Man....that would be good.

xoxo, Moe

The Things We Do Together // Good Food Brings Us Closer

One of the biggest things Zach & I do together is cook.  It's one of the only times we're each guaranteed to be focusing on the now.  I love cooking with Zach because he's so creative & it's just nice to spend time with each other coming together on a yummy meal.  

A lot of the time I'm surprised by how delicious the food he's made is.  Sometimes it's totally new, sometimes its just a tweak on an old recipe.  I love when he comes up with an new idea & just gets to cooking.  He's wonderful at peaking in the cupboard & fridge and then creating a meal with what we have.  Grocery shopping involves a lot of idea bouncing on what we'll make for dinner.  If we aren't in the kitchen on Sunday's drinking wine & cooking, you can find us at the grocery store deciding on what to make the following week/weekend.

Spending time together, focused on a non-stressful common goal is great for us.  We don't have to butt heads on anything, we don't have to make too many decisions, we're just working together on good food!  I love that it's a creative place where Zach takes the reins & I just trust.

Isn't there a saying about good food bringing people together? It sure does work for us!

Learn how to make Zach's delicious Salmon here & 

read about our adventures in black pasta making with squid ink here.

What brings you & your significant other - or your family - closer?  What do you do together that lets you focus on the now?

xoxo, Moe

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Number One Reason Why I Love Travel Time

I've got the best view:

I have to say that the best part about traveling with Zach is that I get to see cool cities, beautiful country sides, & the leaves change all over the midwest.  Seeing the jagged city edges fade into the patchwork fields of the countryside is a unique experience.  My favorite trip so far was the 2 or 3 days we drove through 5 states: Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, & Wisconsin.  Stopping a long the way in the cities for work & finding country road antique malls to pick up items for our various collections is the life man, I tell you.

Here are the other benefits, coming in a close second & third

 We get to know each other better  - It's true that as you progress in a relationship you talk more but communicate less.  We are constantly on our phones at diners or in bed in hotels but I've decided to start looking up conversation starters so we can learn more about each other.  This past week we talked about Art & about politics.  I'm liking this spending time together thing.

 I get to be inspired  - I guess this goes a long with the view thing, but we get to see loads & loads of beautiful architecture.  As we walk or drive through cities I'm capturing the mix of old & new architecture on my phone.  Seeing different textures, colors, styles, etc is great.  I think this is a great time in my life (our life) to see different cities.  From Milwaukee, to Madison, to Chicago, it's all been beautiful.

I feel like I am living a one of a kind life & it makes me so happy.  I am so grateful & thankful to be able to have this experience & to be able to share this life with someone pretty awesome.  I am not sure what I'd do with out him.

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LDR Post // Things I've Learned so far

Zach and I aren't in a traditional Long Distance Relationship, if there is such a thing as a traditional one.  We won't be separated for an extreme amount of time but it's still been very hard for me.

There are nights I am extremely sad, there are days when I wish I could just go home to him, & when he first left there were days it was just too hard & I couldn't focus.  While it's gotten better, it's also gotten worse.  It's gotten better because I've learned to be with out him (which is also a bad thing!) but it's gotten worse because, for me, communication has been harder.  I think getting used to being with out him will help me a lot in his new job where he travels all week, but it's still going to be hard!

Here are 3 more things I've learned when it comes to communication:

Use your words -  I am a big fan of using touch to convey emotion, maybe I just rely too much on being in close proximity to the person I am trying to communicate with.  Meaning, I can comfort you & feel like we are understanding each other if I am in the same room with you & can touch you.  So, a reassuring hug or holding of a hand I think really helps me feel safe & helps the other person feel safe.  It's hard to convey that comfort level through the phone or through skype.

It takes a lot more time to use your words to offer comfort & I really hope that I am getting better at that.  If we ever have a disagreement (mostly on decorating styles but on serious things too) it is hard to explain, be reassuring & understanding.  Sometimes words get misunderstood & then that creates a whole different problem.  But we've learned to be more patient, to say what we mean, to explain, & to listen more to each other's words & what each other is saying.

Skype can be a life saver - Not only do we Skype nearly every night just to spend time with each other, but I really believe Skype has saved us a few times.  Being that we can't be in the same room with each other (as mentioned above) means we aren't getting the same body language going on.  Skype helps with this because we can see each other's faces & see how each other is feeling.  Being unable to feel him around me has really thrown me off.  I take comfort in knowing that he is close...but when he's far its hard for me to feel that comfort.

Pinterest can help - Like I mentioned before we each have our own sense of decor style.  Something I love about Zach is he actually cares about making a home & decorating it.  Compromise is a huge word we are working on with moving & it's really helped to be able to share images of what we like to get feed back from the other person.  The best way we've found to do this? Through Pinterest!

One night on Skype I started sharing with him things that I thought we would both like.  This led to a pin board entitled Things We Both Like - For the Home.  Shortly thereafter, Zach joined Pinterest to create a few boards of what styles he liked so we could design each room of our home.  This site is better than clipping magazines!  Making a home is something dear to both of us & finding a balance has involved a lot of communication & frustration on both ends.

Compromise is the key word here.  Compromise doesn't mean you aren't getting your way.  Compromise means you are getting our way.  Compromise means together you are willing to build something great, two heads better than one & all that.

I am so thankful that I have a guy who totally understands me, who is patient, & who is in this with me the same amount I am.  It makes me so happy to know that I am safe.

I am going to pick up & move here at the end of July.  I've already been trying to pack up a few things here & there.  It's been a really hard decision & I have to say I am terrified of what may lay ahead.  All I can see though is us, happy, together, & in a home we both love.  It's getting to that part that is uncertain.

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Learning How to Step Away & Keep your Balance

I consider this blog to be a very important part of my life.  I love spending the time generating awesome content for you all & I love the dedication I put into Five Sixteenths.  Before you get too worried, no I am not taking a break from blogging...now that I have a momentum going I don't see stopping anytime soon.  This post is a post about encouraging you (& myself) to step away from blogging sometimes.

I go out to look for something that makes me feel small.  This usually clears my head & levels my thoughts

While I am not getting paid to write this blog, I act like I am.  (Just like I pretend I am blogging to 3000 followers!)  This means I dedicate probably about 40 hours a week generating things for this blog.  Since I just got really excited about Blogging eCourses & eBooks I've been spending a lot of time with my head buried in my laptop.  While this isn't good for my posture it's also not good for my relationships.  There were times when I was ignoring Zach because I had to blog something or was working on a blog design.  I am very thankful that he is understanding & wants me to be successful at the things I want to do with my life (after all, he did buy me a kiln!!).  With him gone, I've now got more time to blog & spend with my room mates.  I found that generally with this more time, I was spending it (again) buried in my laptop.  I don't want my real life relationships to suffer because I want to succeed here.  It's about balance.

I couldn't imagine living any where with out water to wade in.

So on Monday, I decided to take up an offer to go see Avengers & to head to the beach.  The whole time I tried not to think about what I could be blogging & it was hard!  I did take pictures of this trip, which means I was thinking about blogging, but I was also thinking about documenting my trip.  I tried not to think of time restraints, I tried not to check my watch, I tried not to hurry the movie a long.  I even pulled out my instax camera & took a few shots...talk about analog!  This break was great for me.

It's important to remember that blogging is a hobby & that I am not getting paid for it. Though I'd like to turn it into a source of income one day, blogging is not the top priority.   Taking a break to smell the roses & just enjoy life is something I want to strive toward as I go on this summer.  I don't want to coop myself up all day in my room with my computer & only venture out to take outfit photos.....I want to live!  I have friends & a family I need to spend time with.  I also need to spend some quality time with Me, Myself, & I.

This filter is called Nostalgia & it's one of my faves on Camera+

On the flip side of all of this, blogging is my responsibility (for lack of a better word) & I take it seriously.  And I know if I want to succeed I have to say no to hanging out sometime.  It's important for me to live up to what I expect my blog to be, not only for you but because I set out on this journey & I really love it!  I need time to dedicate to making Five Sixteenths better!

So mainly this post is about keeping a balance & keeping a promise to myself to put work down and to just have fun for a little while..even if it's only for an afternoon!

How do you keep a blogging balance?  Do you feel blogging is a responsibility of yours or is it something that is just fun?

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